I’ve mostly been doing alright along my path. But, I have stumbled over a to rock or two. I feel slightly misaligned, angered, misunderstood. All things I don’t expect for others to understand but it would be nice if they did. I’ve never been a person who easily shakes things off and that has always been an issue for me. I’ve always been hyper-emotional, caring too much about things or people who don’t care for me. I thought I was making major progress but I feel like I’ve temporarily been reset and pushed back. Feelings of not being enough, easily disposable, feeling like I didn’t make an impact on someone’s life are all feelings to describe how I currently feel.
I’ve always looked at outside pictures and taking that snap shot and making it larger than life. Comparing. Wondering when is it my time. My turn. Why are good things happening to people who I know , in fact, are bad. Why does it seem like when I get a break it’s not really a break. Just looked like one. I’m frustrated. I feel like I have so much built up in me and I have no way to let it out.
To sum it up, I feel as if I’ve taken 9 months of steps forward to take 10 months of steps back as if it never even happened. I’ll trust the process. Even if I didn’t matter to them, I matter to me. I matter enough to keep trying.