The red flag that everyone sees…except ourselves

Two things to note here – 1. Why can we see everyone else’s red flags except our own and 2. Why do we expect friends to have an “objective” point of view AFTER we have already painted a heinous picture. So, lets just get right into it. (I am not a you tuber, but I always look forward to that line because I just want to get into it.)

We all know what red flags are as they pertain to dating. Red flags are those little things that heighten our senses and make us say “hmm…” because something is definitely not 100% right. And I am not talking about little petty things like they missed one call during business hours when they are are work; I am talking big things like they pull disappearing acts on the weekends and they are sleep every night on the weekend at 7:30PM.  So, if this is our homegirl we (and by we I mean some people) would be extremely quick to turn our noses up and say “Oh girl, somethings not right.” But, when it is our own situations we will dig from land to 6ft under to find an excuse for why our spouse is treating us like crap or, even worse, why it is acceptable.

Ya’ll know, I have said this before,  I was once that girl. So I get it but what I don’t get is why no one else gets it. And thats a article for another day. I mean I woke up and got the picture but it took time, but now I’m like I want everyone to wake up because the sooner the better. . So anyway,  why is that we move forward in relationships, dig ourselves into these holes and then act so oblivious like we have no clue when it got “this bad”. You knew! It was bad before it got “THIS” bad. You knew when she wasn’t answering the phones on the weekends, you knew when suspicious phone calls were coming in at 3:30am, you knew when she was saying they were just friends and this friend was taking her on lavish shopping sprees. You knew.  And your friends knew because they told you. They rolled their eyes and sucked their teeth through each and every dreadful story about how you can’t believe this happened and you don’t understand why this is happening and you are such a good person. (Been there).  And all of this could very well be true but good people see the signs of not so good people and they pass go collecting their $200 anyway. So, why is this? For me, maybe I desperately wanted to be loved. I wanted to be committed even if she wasn’t because that was important to me. Not the foundation, not the happiness, just the act of being committed. And then I made excuses for why it was acceptable. And here is the things with excuses… they may honestly be legit, for example, I knew she could be a better person she just needs a little push. And that could have been the case. That doesn’t mean I should have stood by and be shitted on until then. Don’t even waste your time!

Secondly, why is it that once we get on the good foot and we are telling our friends , “Yea, everything is better,” we expect them to understand. We expect them to get that all relationships have their ups and downs. We expect their support. Let me lay this out, if you tell your friends only the BAD things and your friends see you at your worse and see what this relationship is doing to you time and time again, do not expect them to be gong hoe. Just don’t. Friends have YOUR best interest at heart. And yes, they should be supportive but if everyone else can see the red flags, 9 out of 10 times they are wondering why you can’t.  They are just waiting for you to get it. And that sucks because we want our friends to be happy for us, right? And this doesn’t mean that your friends are hating on you but they do want better. And yes, if you suck it up so should they. But it’s hard to paint a picture another color when the entire canvas is black.

And another thing, don’t say all relationships go through ups and downs if you are having just the worst downs and barely any ups. Yes, they do go through ups and downs but ups and downs do not include and are not limited to cheating, domestic violence, abuse of any kind, constant disrespect.  So bare in mind these things when you are “venting” because once you’ve painted an impression they are sometimes hard to forget. And if you have red flags don’t ignore them. Save yourself the time. Time is far too expensive to waste.

With Love,



2 thoughts on “The red flag that everyone sees…except ourselves

  1. BRAVO!! Very well said my friend, very well said. ” But it’s heard to paint a picture another color when the entire canvas is black.” GREAT GREAT GREAT quote!

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