We can’t be friends…

I’m not sure who’s thing this is…gay, straight, secure, insecure or whatever but sometimes this seems to be a great debate. What is the problem with remaining friends with your ex? One of my friends has told me she would not be comfortable with her fiancé (man–just for informational purpose) remaining friends with past girlfriends. I know some women (lesbians — background information, again) who are and who aren’t comfortable with their partners remaining friends with their exes.

I’m friends, or at least cordial, with most of my exes. We don’t hang out but we may chat every now and again. I don’t see this as a problem, especially if you had an amicable breakup. I’m just seeing the huge disconnect on why it’s a problem. I know myself and if I felt that having a friendship with any of my exes would cause any issues in my relationship then I wouldn’t put myself in that position but I think it comes down to trust. Anyone could be a threat, not just an ex. This is almost like the argument of men and women can’t just be friends. Which I disagree with. So, I’m curious, what are your thoughts,

1. Are you ok with your partner/spouse being friends with an ex? If your answer is no, why?

2. Do you believe women and men or doms and fems can just be friends ? If your answer is no , why ?

With love,
Tania

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2 thoughts on “We can’t be friends…

  1. Our ex’s pretty much exclusively make up our circle of friends, and that circle has been extended with their new significant others that we truly ADORE! I think, you get to a point (provided you are mature enough) where you are secure enough in your relationship that those ex’s don’t pose even the smallest threat. I know calie isn’t going anywhere, so the fact that she goes to get coffee with her ex, and the 3 of us stay up all night watching movies or playing video games, doesn’t scare me in the least bit. And also, it really depends on the terms of your break up. Most of my break-ups in my late 20’s were because we just vieewed so many things differently, that we knew, in the long run, it wouldn’t work. but that doesn;t mean that I didn’t like who they were and spending time with them. Our “real” relationship (underneath the dating stuff) was great, we just were too different to be in a relationship, but not too different to be friends. Of my 3 best friends, 1 is my ex and her and Callie LOVE each other! Matter fact, she was at my place all day saturday with Callie while I was off at work. Women/men, doms/femmes can totally be friends, as longs as they don’t over step any boundaries and everyone is secure in their relationships…at least that has been my experience.

    1. I completely agree! I actually was faces with a situarion where I dated someone and she initially told me she was fine with exes being friends and when it really came down to it she wasn’t and was extremely insecure. And that caused problems. But, I have had this conversation with a friend who is heterosexual who believes it is unneccesary. At least for her.

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