Everyday, I choose you.

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Loving someone is a choice. Every single day, you choose to love your partner, respect them, remain faithful. Everyday when you do this you are actively choosing to be fully present in your relationship. That’s honorable.

But, this post isn’t really about that. This post is about cheaters. Let me explain, just like people make a choice to remain faithful, they also make a choice to cheat or to put themselves in a position to cheat. Cheating is never a mistake, it never just happens. And if , for giggles, it did “just happen” I’m sure there were several times when you could have stopped before passing go. So, when habitual cheaters claim they are reformed do we believe them ?

I’ve cheated in the past. Even though I was forthcoming and open and let all parties know what I was doing with one another, I still cheated. Am I a cheater ? No. If you cheated once or twice will I cast you away and label you a cheater ? Probably not. Will I judge you for cheating when you were young, dumb and full of cum at the ripe age of 17-20? Nope. What I am talking about is habitual cheaters. People who have everything and still cheat. People who cheat on every person they’ve committed to. I’ve dated this type of person. Not once but twice. And somehow I even convinced my self ( not once but TWICE) that I held the power to make them stop. That I would some how be different. Now at the age of 27, I know better. But what do you do if someone tells you they are reformed? Can this happen? Seriously. They may stop for a period of time, to try to prove people wrong (because they are going to want to prove people wrong), but they will get tired of keeping up that charade and then what…cheat? Have their cake and eat it, too? And I know some people may want a pat on the back because they make a conscious effort to not cheat…but aren’t you supposed to not cheat anyway when you are in a committed relationship? I’m sorry, I can’t pat you on the back for that. Because if that’s the case then maybe you shouldn’t even be in a relationship. I believe there will always be temptations but when I woke up and chose to continue loving my partner that should trump all of that. All temptation because there’s a reason I chose you to begin with and there’s a reason everyday why I continue to do so.

So, what do you think? Can habitual cheaters change , for ever? At your age , would you date someone who confessed in the past they were a habitual cheater ( giving you’re close to 30 and the habitual cheating continued past 21)?

I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.

With love,
Tania

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9 thoughts on “Everyday, I choose you.

  1. It’s hard to trust again for me once it’s gone. I can’t say that I couldn’t forgive the boy if he stepped out because we have years and year of history. However, life after the cheating would be so miserable for us both because it would take me forever to get over it. It takes a lot to gain someones trust but in the blink of an eye it’s shattered and may take twice as long to gain it back as it did originally. Do I think they can be reformed? Possibly but if it’s habitual then I will never know because, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit interested in finding out.

  2. I have a hard time with this topic. Mainly because manogamy isn’t natural. The only animals in the animal kingdon that are tied to one partner for life are birds, otherwise THOUSANDS of other animals are not, including humans. We aren’t wired that way. With that said, I as always a cheater (and that wasn’t me just defending myself), until Callie. There was something about her tha made me want to be with her and only her. My fear of her leaving me out weighs the need to be intimately or emoptionally connected to anyone else, and that’s what it comes down to. Balancing out and weighing what your options are. Do this and there is my consequence. Do that then and then there is my consequence also. So can potentially not ever cheat again, but is it natural? NO! Is it likely, yes! People are going to fight those urges all the time. I still look, i still think, and i still lust. But do i want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me? Nope!

    1. Ill agree that , for lack of better words, monogamy is unnatural. Because there are people who genuinely believe that and that is fine. That being said, why not involve yourself ( not you, in general) with a like minde individual? Why enter into a committment where you are expected to be monogamous? If one enters an agreement where you will be open to practicing polyamory than that wouldnt make you s cheater. I believe how its handled can shift the view. The rules of a relationship are set by the individuals.

      1. I couldnt agree with you moer. The thing with being in a polygamous or polyamorous relationship is that for the most part, it is stilll considered ridiculously taboo…and that little devil jealousy. I couldn’t do polyamory for that very reason. BUT i have grown up a lot and i also know that when I am not happy in a relationship, it’s a 2 sided thing. Both people need to make changes to make it work, and I am willing to do that now and work hard, where maybe before I wasn’t as inclined

  3. Greetings, Tania!

    We are all in the process of changing and growing, even when it does not seem so to others. I believe people who have been habitual cheaters yesterday can change. Same as it is a choice to wake and love one’s beloved day after day, year after year, it is a choice to change for the better and for the good of our Higher Self.

    Yes, I’d date a person who confessed that truth. My choice would be to BE TRUE TO ME. I’d be a present to myself and the person I’d chosen to know and love. And because of my promise to be present to myself, for myself and to this person, I’d aim to be present enough to know whether or not I would have to make another choice if the drama of our love didn’t roll out like the plush red carpet I might have imagined.

    Great post…

    Blessings,
    C

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