Girl Code : Is it ok for you to date your friend’s ex?

Literally while I was sleep an idea came to me. I’ve decided to do  series on the infamous “Girl Code” from my point of view. The Girl Code is a list of things women just know. Or, should know. I’ve  been sitting on this topic for a while after a few comment exchanges and a post on Black Lesbian Love Lab (which you should obviously read). Is it ok for your friend to date your ex or vice versa?

Short answer: NO !!!!!

Long answer: I just always assumed that some people are off limits. And I get it, as a human, you naturally form attractions and bonds with people. In theory, exploring the bonds and attractions are natural. But this is just one of those things where, regardless of what you want to do, it’s a very bad idea. I’m not talking about a child hood friend that you don’t closely associate with, I’m talking about someone in your circle. Now, some people don’t see anything wrong with this. However, I don’t like leftover food  and I definitely don’t like my friends leftovers.

I, in no way, want my friends to know about intimate details of my partner. I don’t want them to have any knowledge of how she is intimately. I don’t want to be in a situation where it is awkward for me to bring my significant over around my friends because there are beyond lustful looks and there is sexual tension or anything like that. Why would anyone want to be in that position?

This has happened to me SEVERAL times. The last time this happened to me, a close friend of mine started dating my girlfriend behind my back and to make matters worse, our mutual friends all knew and no one bothered to tell me! In fact, outside the fact that she was still my girlfriend, who was cheating on me with someone in my “close” circle of friends, no one even thought she was wrong. It was as if I was the crazy one.  This was the most embarrassing thing in my life, I was young and I had pictures of my girlfriend on my Facebook (when I had one) and  then suddenly my girlfriend is posting questionable pictures with my friend. I was hurt and mortified. THANK GOD FOR THE BLOCK OPTION ON FACEBOOK. I  stopped talking to everyone at this point in time because I didn’t trust anyone, I was embarrassed and I was beyond hurt. Plus, real friend’s don’t watch that go down.

So,  just don’t do it!

  • Girl Code Rule 101 – Don’t date your friends ex

Until next time…



12 thoughts on “Girl Code : Is it ok for you to date your friend’s ex?

  1. Great post. I’m a firm belieber in having a few close friends as opposed to a large circle, so my friends are more like family, and CLEARLY family should never tiptoe behind ya to sample your leftovers. On the flip side, my friends’ partners/ex’s are off limits. Messing with friends’ exes? That’s against the code baby! LOL

  2. Hmmm.

    I’d have to say I definitely agree with you on this one, Tania. Some situations are just not going to be right, no matter how the cookie crumbles, and Dating your friend girl’s ex is one of them. Too close for comfort, that’s the name of the novel. Even if one felt a sexual twinge for this off-limit person, one should simply not ACT ON IT!

    What of the sanctity in friendship, in sisterhood?

    My two cents is NO. You just don’t do it!

    And I’m sorry that awful incident had to happen to you. I know it was for your Higher Good, to make you stronger, or probably more discerning. Whatever, your decision to include it in the Girl Code was for a reason! Now you’ve got me curious about the other delights on the Girl Code list!

    1. You’re on to something here, Claudia! I’ve been wanting to right a novel and too close for comfort has definitely given me an idea! I am so into this girl code list I’m curious myself about what else I will come up with !

      1. And oh my goodness, would that be a page turner…to write Too Close for Comfort with the Girl Code as a major part of the novel? It came to you in a dream for a REASON! Spirit is ever whispering to us. 🙂 Listen!

        Oh! I’m answering my Ten Questions Tag on my In Sapphic Sunshine blog!

      2. Tania,
        I’ve just posted the answers to my Ten Questions Tag! 😀 Thanks again! I enjoyed responding to your questions.
        Now I have a question.
        How do I get my site off EDIT POST. I want to be back in writing my blog and having the site SAVE it every few seconds. I lost the beginning of my yesterday, and for a second there, I thought I’d faint!
        If you know, I’m thanking yo in advance. In the meantime, I’ll work on removing the little x, I gather, above the pencil on my dashboard!
        Buenas noches!

      3. I understand what you are saying, Tania. When I returned tonight, I tweaked it, moving from Draft to Publish. It’s the same. The site no longer saves my draft every few minutes. Pooh! No entiendo!
        Anyway, I give it 15 minutes of pooh time and it’s back to laptop singing for there is much to write and edit before I sleep! YEAAA

      4. Gracias, Tania!
        I played with that option off and on, but it never allowed me to return to the saving every few minutes not to have an entire post deleted in minutes, if not saved. I simply don’t know what happened there.
        Oh, tell me.
        Did you begin outlining or free writing the plot summary or drafting character sketches for your new novel manuscript yet? I’m checking on you! 🙂

      5. Claudia! I missed your 10 question tags!!! And I have. I started this week and I’m free writing and now I’m actually thinking about doing an outline and I’ve drafted the characters as well! Thanks for your encouragement. Means so much !

      6. Por nada! I am so proud of you! That is simply awe inspiring, as so many never articulate a dream and rarely begin.

        My Ten Questions is on my other blog home, In Sapphic Sunshine. Did you find it here on WordPress?

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