So…its been a while. How have you been? Besides the book reviews, I have been MIA. I would love to say,” I’m back and I’ve got great content coming, ” but I’m not there, yet. But, I was having a conversation with a friend after I shared an article with her from Black Lesbian Love Lab and we had a discussion about it and this is what came of it.
I’m often called a bitch and I’ve been told that I’m mean. Honestly I believe none of that. Everyone, when pushed, has the potential to be mean or to be bitchy. I will admit that I have no filter. But it’s not because I don’t taste my words before they leave my mouth, ok sometimes I don’t. But it’s because I just say everything exactly how I am thinking it or exactly how I feel it. Does that make sense? Now, I am not saying this is the best method. I am saying this is what works for me because, to me, it will remove any misunderstandings or miscommunication . A lot of times people hear what you’re saying and make their own interruptation for what THEY think YOU mean. No, I want to save any and everyone the unnecessary drama and time by telling you exactly what I mean. Period. Now, I’ve been told you simply can’t do that. But why not ?
I believe in any ship, especially a relationship, you should be able to effectively communicate. Communication is key but it’s possible that your point can be missed because you’re beating around the bush, you’re sugar coating, or you’re making a big deal seem small to spare feelings. Now, I am not saying you’re not supposed to take into consideration your partner or friends feelings, I’m saying that you should be able to say exactly what you mean and exactly how you feel without the worry that it’s going to hurt feelings. I believe there should be a safe space to communicate, one where you can come and talk out problems like an adult. Where you don’t have to raise your voice, you can explain your issue and how it makes you feel and figure out a way to peacefully address them and then move on.
Usually when I have an issue with my partner, I think of how it makes me feel, I may wait a day or two before I bring it up but I don’t want to be too emotional at the time. I don’t want to be in a state of hypersensitivity or in a frame of mind where I am quickly put into a defensive space. I like to be able to talk, finish my complete thought with our interruption, at a conversational level. I want to be able to be open and express myself and I want to be open to receive the feedback. Now, this is general how I work but it just often puts me in the bad guy box. So it puts me at a loss.
So my question is how do you approach this situation? Is there such a thing as a safe space. Is there a way to censor yourself but get your point across (perhaps I just haven’t mastered that). What works for you? I am curious and want your feed back.
Until next time …